Sunday, November 13, 2011

Old Dog = New Tricks?

I graduated from college in 1994. Does that seem like a long time ago to you? If you're 60...probably not. If you're 20...yeah...that was like before the iPod was invented right? Right. In my mind it doesn't seem like a long time ago. Probably because I still feel like I'm 21. My wife can attest to the fact that I have the maturity level of someone in their early twenties.

OK so with that in mind who thinks this writer is crazy for entertaining the thought of going back to school? Who thinks this writer's wife should get a medal for not only tolerating but actually supporting this decision? She's pretty awesome. I hit the lottery with her. But that's a different post for a different day.

So...back to me. I ask you...what could have changed in the 17 years since I graduated from college? They still use books and conduct lectures led by professors right? The only difference I can foresee is that this time around I'll have a wife and kids along for the ride. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

I plan I learning more about a program whereby I go to school for 13 months and at the end of it I graduate with my master's degree and my teaching certificate. If I decide to move ahead with it I'll be too legit to quit by June of 2013. Look out high school students of America!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

That Cut Deep

Have you ever had an exchange with a friend that really cut you deep...but in a good way? A way that made you rethink things? Something that struck at the heart of what you've been thinking and feeling but were never able to confront it? I did recently and it went like this:

 My wife and I were sitting around drinking some wine and generally having a wonderful time with our good friends (another couple) who live in town. We got to talking about what we could help each other with. The scene went like this:

Female Friend to My Wife: "I'm OK with Excel but I really need to be able to produce this spreadsheet to help me map out the sequences for the play I'm directing."

My Wife: "Oh my God! I can totally help you with that. I'll make you a deal. I love the way your house is decorated. If you come and help me arrange my furniture I'll help you with spreadsheets."
FF: "Done"

At this point her husband (my friend) interjects: "So Joe, I'm teaching you guitar. What can you teach me?"

This elicited a smart ass remark about teaching him to paint faster (my former profession) but I was left thinking...what do I have to teach? It occurred to me that I had very little to offer him. He speaks Spanish, he plays guitar and despite my bitchy comment he is actually a pretty good house painter.

It occurred to me right then that I want to teach people things. I want to be helpful. Stay tuned to my life...

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Growing Up

Today was the first day that I sent both of my children on the bus to school. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. My son is in 4th grade now. Been there done that...right? Wrong.

My daughter got on the bus for her first day of kindergarten today and my stomach just knotted up. As she looked at me through the bus window in the pouring rain (it was in fact pouring...not just hyperbole) I realized something. I realized that life keeps moving. Just yesterday she was born. Today she's in Kindergarten. Tomorrow she's off to college. Time stands still for no man. In my head 1995 was a few days ago. News flash - incorrect! In the words of the great David Byrne: "You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?"

Good question David. I don't have the answer. I don't think anyone does. Anyone who claims to is either delusional or trying to sell you something.

I'm proud of my kids. I'm excited to see them grow. Let's hope I continue to grow along with them...

Friday, August 19, 2011

I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won

Today is the first time in my life that I cut my lawn in fear. Every step another bead of sweat formed on my brow. I'm ashamed and my neighbors are probably laughing at me but I didn't think it would be this way. I just couldn't put my body at risk anymore. Today I found out the hard way that my front yard is infested with bees. And not just any bees...I have blood thirsty car-jacking baby-stealing Italian hating  pirate bees. Bees that make a grown man swear and sprint into the house not once but three times. Bees that mess with a man's yard. Now that is just wrong! As a result my front yard now has a Mowhawk. A perfect little strip that I physically couldn't mow today for fear of the aforementioned pirate bees. "What you talkin' about fool?" I'm talkin' about pain Mr. T. Pure unadulterated pain.

Dear bees who stung me through the ankle sock...and in the calf...and in the knee...I'm coming back with poison tomorrow bitches. I've heard that you die after you sting someone but just to be sure I'm coming back with a shock and awe campaign. Like George W I'm gonna smoke you out. There's nowhere to hide. I'm not confusing you with your benign honeybee cousin. Oh the honeybee!  Nature's little helper. Not you you little yellow jacket bastards! You don't pollinate my beautiful flowers. You don't make honey (OK you might, I'm not sure but I'm coming from a place of pain and ignorance). You're pure evil and I will take every measure to bring you to justice. And how dare you mess with a man's lawn! That crap is sacred! You also sting my wonderfully stupid dog. Winston the super Lab. And for that I cannot forgive you. You have hurt myself and my family. Now it's personal.

Friday, August 12, 2011

My Little Man...Not this Little Anymore

I love this shot of my son. Sometimes when I look at him this is still how I see him. However I can assure you that he's not this size anymore. He's 8 years-old and I just bought him a pair of size 6 sneakers for school. Size 6! What happened to my little boy? Some mornings he saunters downstairs I think he's bigger than the night before. Are the fertilizer fairies sprinkling him with their fairy dust at night or what?

How awkward will it be for me on the morning he comes down looking like Vin Diesel and I have to ask him why he came home so late the night before. I need to start doing some push ups. Perhaps some hot yoga or something. I gotta get buff before he can crush me with two fingers.

You know you shrink when you get old? It's a fact and I have that working against me as well.  It's a matter of time before I start looking like Mickey Rooney. Time is a cruel co-pilot.

The good news is that he's a gentle giant. I have that going for that's nice. Plus he really loves his Mom so I can always call her in for backup if needed.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

A B-52's Concert (Not the Kentucky Derby)

Oh the paparazzi. How they hound me. I try to cruise back into Stamford to attend a B-52's concert and the press can't leave me alone. C'mon people, I haven't been gone that long! This photo appeared on the Stamford Advocate website yesterday. Clearly they were after a shot of me and not the two lovely ladies I happened to be with (I'm delusional). Do you know why these ladies were photographed? Because they look like elegant women.

That said, allow me to address the ladies (not pictured) who attended this fantastic event:

Dear All Under 30-year old Women of Fairfield County:

Just because it's summer does not mean that you're given license to dress like street walkers. I shouldn't have to say this but a half-shirt should not be worn as a dress. Men have amazing imaginations - perhaps you could let us use ours and put on something that doesn't make you look like Snooki's sluttier sister. How about having some faith in your wit, charm and sense of humor? Maybe show off your brain off a little rather that your lower back tattoo aka "the tramp stamp." Give the male gender more credit and put your best face forward (not your ass).

The Evolved Male

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Sun Baked Brain

Today was the kids last day of swim instruction at the lake. Hurrah! If you're scoring at home that's four straight weeks - five days a week and at least 3 hours per day. I was no math major in college but that's like...1,300 hours in the sun or something. Now don't get me wrong...I love the beach as much as anyone but 20 straight days of anything gets to be drudgery.

The good news is that I look like George Hamilton (only more dashing). The downside is that I've been neglecting my chores at home so as a result I have weeds in my front yard that are quite literally seven feet tall. The other drawback is that I think the sun has been warping my brain. Instead of reading a good novel or trying to do some soul searching to figure out what my next career move should be, what did I do with my alone time?  I've compiled the following list is what I've done:

Things I Hate:
  1. Clowns
  2. Deli meats
  3. Ketchup
  4. Ethan Hawke 
  5. Cats and usually the people who love them
  6. Earnest motivational speakers
  7. Barbara Streisand and her husband for exhibiting poor judgment
  8. Anyone who messes with my wife or my kids
  9. The New York Post
  10. The Red Sox
  11. The word "taint"
  12. Oatmeal - no matter how good Wilfred Brimley tells me it may be.
  13. People who never take their Bluetooth off (you're walking on the sidewalk fella!)
  14. Nancy Grace
  15. Fast food of all kinds except McDonald's vanilla milkshakes which are heaven in a cup
  16. Toddler beauty pageants
  17. The mothers or fathers (OK who are we kidding) the mothers who enter their toddlers in beauty pageants
  18. Black licorice
  19. 3-D movies
  20. Limp handshakes
  21. White collar workers who think they're superior to their plumber (or any other blue collar worker)
  22. People who refer to themselves in the third person without a trace of humor (athletes are the big offenders here)
  23. Needlessly colorized classic movies(essentially all of them)
  24. John Tesh and his smooth jazz cronies (this means you too Kenny G)
  25. The harpsichord

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I love my job, i love my job, i love my job...

I repeated that mantra as my daughter and I locked horns today.

Here's what my lovely 5 year-old miscreant did today:
  • Demanded her special Hello Kitty plate after her eggs were presented to her on a "regular" plate. A screaming match ensued.
  • Threw sand at her brother at the beach
  • Smooshed her brother's sand castles with temerity
  • Talked back countless times
  • Refused to share
  • Was generally argumentative
  • Was all-around obnoxious
However now she is asleep on the couch and looks like an angel. She also made me a bead necklace that says "DAD." What is it with girls this age? They swing so violently from love to disdain. I never had girls around growing up so this is all new to me. You ladies are a complicated species. I can't wait until she's 14. Shoot me.
Did I mention that my son was fantastic today? Little boys are like Labradors and little girls are like...aggravating.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Hey, this is Red Rocks!"

Yes it is Bono. Thank you for stating the obvious. Sorry dear readers for my lack of productivity lately but I'm just back from my first trip to Colorado as evidenced by the photo above. I must say that being a dyed in the wool New England boy, the vastness of the whole area freaked me out a little. The sky is so big out there I felt a little exposed. Like some giant hawk might swoop down and plunge its talons into me and carry me off to its gargantuan nest high atop some remote butte. Thankfully that did not happen and I'm back here safe and sound where the roads are curvy and our snow melts by March - usually.

We stayed in downtown Denver and I must say the coolest thing about the place other than some pretty awesome brew pubs (e.g. The Wynkoop) were these bedazzled pianos that dotted the area. They had signs on them welcoming people to sit and pound out a few numbers. I also noted that none of these instruments had been defaced in any way. Clearly I wasn't in Kansas...I mean the New York Metro area any more.

Elvis Costello tells us that travel broadens the mind. I guess I feel slightly broadened but this little taste has made me thirsty for something

Monday, May 16, 2011

Nantucket - Land of Funny Pants

We go to Nantucket every year. That sounds pretentious - deal with it. Just a fact. My wife's family has a house there so I'm a Nantucketer by marriage. The kids love it and it's awesome to have a place where we can walk from the house to the beach. The natural beauty is spectacular and the restaurants are top-notch. And oh by the way - I never take it for granted and I never lose sight of the fact that I couldn't afford to vacation in such a place if my generous father-in-law didn't allow us to stay in his home. That's the good news.

The bad news is the people. Or more specifically - the fashion of the (visiting) people. Welcome to the Faraway Isle where grown men wear pink pants and call it "Nantucket Red" like that makes it OK. They also sport Madras shorts with canary yellow sweaters. It's like everyone but me is adhering to The Preppy Handbook. Every time I visit I feel like I missed a memo stating that everyone should dress like a goof.

What is interesting is that the local residents of the island generally don't dress so silly. They are actually more utilitarian Northeastern (rather than Boston-Bourgeois). We're headed up there soon so I promise to come back with photographs of the local ridiculousness. Stay tuned.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Guide Me Lloyd

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. 

The prescient words of the great Lloyd Dobler from 1989's "Say Anything." The quote rings truer now than it did when the movie first premiered. Just like Lloyd I don't really want to sell or buy or process anything.

So at some point I need to settle on a new career. My daughter is going to kindergarten this fall so before I know it I'll be twiddling my thumbs at home while both of my kids are learning and growing as people. Jerks. How dare they leave me!

Don't get me wrong - loving the Dad thing...big time. But the pay kinda stinks so I need to start making a plan. While I'm going to be moving forward with my Be More Awesome campaign I don't think that is a career per se. I would love a "career." I'd like to have a clear mission that is easily explainable. Not a job but an actual occupation where someone at a party asks you:  "So, what do you do?" And you don't have to fumble to explain how you spend your days.


"Hey Joe I'm Tim. I'm the COO of ADT's BPO . What do you do?"

"Nice to meet you Tim. That sounds great in an alphabet soup type of way. I'm a ..."

Complete the sentence dear readers. I welcome your suggestions.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Be More Awesome: Step One

Pop Quiz - What do Stevie Ray Vaughan, Wynton Marsalis and Yo-Yo Ma all have in common? Very little. Except the fact that they are/were all super-talented musicians. Oh - and they're AWESOME. Don't think Yo-Yo Ma is awesome? Not cool enough for you? Anyone who is the best in the world at something is pretty awesome in my book. Hell, Stevie is still awesome and he's been dead for over 20 years!

But I digress. My real reason for bringing up these great artists is to highlight step one on my patch to ultimate awesomosity. LEARN AN INSTRUMENT.

As I near 40 I realize that I have few quantifiable talents. Does the adroit use of sarcasm count? How about the ability to recall obscure alternative rock bands from the 80's and 90's? Anyone remember the Hoodoo Gurus? Flesh for Lulu? No? Don't worry. You didn't miss much.

Pop Quiz #2 - If you had to choose the most awesome of all instruments to play what should you choose? Clarinet? No. Oboe? Definitely not. The guitar of course! Do you know any oboe players? I didn't think so. Guitar heroes have cool names like Slash, The Edge and Yngwie Malmsteen.   

Hopefully with diligent practice I can achieve a reasonable level of proficiency in a couple of years. That coupled with some other steps should make me a more awesome person...eventually.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Did I Stumble Upon a Catchphrase?

Why should Charlie Sheen have all the fun coining catchphrases these days? It appears that I may have stumbled into one in my previous post. "Be More Awesome." I think this could be a versatile expression.

For example if someone's boring you you could beg them to "be more awesome." If you're unhappy at your job you could ask yourself how you could "be more awesome" and improve your career outlook.

It could even be a movement like "Pay It Forward." Just ask yourself every morning..."How can I be more awesome today." We settle for mediocrity in this country people.Can you imagine what we could achieve if we just expected a higher level of awesomeness from everybody?

With that in mind I have begun to take my own advice and put my new slogan to the test. Although it will be a challenge since I'm starting from a fairly lofty level of awesomeness I will endeavor to be a little more awesome every day. I will keep you all apprised of my progress. It's sure to be awesome.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Be More Awesome

Every Tuesday my daughter takes a Spanish class at the community center with a good friend of hers from nursery school. The bonus for me is that her friend's dad is also of the stay-at-home variety so we usually grab a cup of coffee and play cards during their class.

During drop off at the community center the other day a guy approached me while I was waiting for my friend so we could head off for coffee.

"I don't mean to be forward but are you a stay-at-home dad?," he said.

"Uh, yeah."

"Well I am too. We moved last May and I've been home with the kids since. We were just paying so much for daycare. It didn't make sense so I'm home with the kids now. But I have to say...I feel really isolated."

Cut to me looking like a deer in the headlights:

"Oh, well...uh...yeah...I guess it can be..."

Off the cuff empathy is not my strong suit I guess. Mercifully my friend showed up just in time to save me from saying something stupid. I said goodbye to the forlorn father and we headed out to play cards.

I recounted this story to my wife later and she was horrified.

"You didn't give that poor guy your phone number or invite him for coffee with you guys?", she said

"I'm not that kinda guy. I don't move that fast. I need a formal introduction from a trusted third party before I give out my digits."

"Your terrible," she said. "That man was lonely. It was a cry for help. I feel so bad for him"

"I don't know the guy from Adam. He could be a knife wielding maniac with a pre-schooler for all I know."

My wife remained unconvinced and I must admit that I did feel a little sad for the dude. It can be hard to meet people when you're stuck at home in a new town. If I could give the guy advice I would say to get a little less desperate and a little more awesome. Maybe get involved in your kids school or a charity in town. Do some good and you'll probably meet some good people.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Small Town Goodness

I thought I grew up in a small town. It was small I guess...compared to New York City which was just a short train ride away. But since we've moved to an honest-to-goodness small town I'm constantly struck by the differences between the world I grew up in and the one my kids are now experiencing.

For example, nearly everywhere we go my daughter sees at least one friend of hers from her nursery school class. It makes her feel like a big shot and I love that.

I love that in the fall we can take the kids apple picking - in our own town. I love that the kids take swim lessons in the lake just up the road from us. The sun fish brush their legs and they squeal with delight.

I love that an escaped llama makes the police blotter in the local paper.

I love that we go to a neighbor's house down the road and pop into his shed to buy fresh eggs. This is his fridge:

And this is where you pay. We go by the honors system in this neck of the woods:

The icing on the cake is that with all of this small town goodness we still get to be near the ocean where we get to enjoy views like this:

Someday I might want to live in a big town again. But right now this feels like just the right size...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

It's Me Against the 3rd Grade

My son brought home a flyer announcing "Reading Week" at his school. His teacher is seeking parents to volunteer to come in and read a book to the class. Great, right? I immediately signed up and was looking forward to it until I discovered that there was more to it. The flyer went on to suggest that each volunteer explain to the class how being a good reader helps us with our career. Uh...I had a career and I plan to have another one in the future...but now? What to say if there currently is no career?

Uh...well...I guess my literacy is a boon for tuck-in time. My 4-year old can't read yet so really it's up to me to crank out a little Dr. Seuss before bedtime. And I guess it's a good thing to be able to read the dosage amounts on the kid's medications so I don't accidentally send them on a long strange trip. In any event I'm gonna have to think about my approach. Third graders can smell B.S. a mile away.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Stay-at-Home Anniversary

It recently occurred to me that I've been doing this no paying job/full time kid raising thing for a year now. A whole year and the kids don't seem emotionally damaged and our house hasn't been foreclosed on. Alright! In the words of the great Charlie Sheen - Winning!

I would like to send a big shout out to my wife whose back must be sore from carrying the financial weight this past year. She's been a trooper. She's endured long business flights next to stinky people just to have the pleasure of sitting in long business meetings (not clear if the people in the meetings were stinky). She's sacrificed way more than I have in our relatively new arrangement and I owe her for that.  

I just can't believe how fast time has passed. When I started this journey one of my fears was that it would feel like working the floor folding sweaters at the Gap - watching the seconds ticking by...tick...tick...tick - is it my break yet? No? I guess I'll just have to stand here and look busy for awhile longer..."Dave can you see my soul dying??"

It's been quite the opposite thankfully. My days have been full between the kids activities, keeping the house in order, doing chores, being awesome, etc. However I must say that these past few days have been a challenge with my daughter home from school sick. I've watched more cartoons than is healthy for an adult man. When you can sing the theme song to "Phineas and Ferb" it's time to walk away. Luckily she's on the mend and I'll soon be able to ship her back to school and get a smidge of me time back.

Wow...a year gone by. The time is fast approaching when I'll have to get a real job again. Yikes!!

Check out more of these inane ramblings at

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Anniversary Memories

Everyone remembers their wedding anniversary (or at least they should). But who remembers their engagement date? Well I do. It was March 1, 1996. Fifteen years ago today. Easily one of the happiest days of my life...and now my younger brother is experiencing the same thing...on the same day! My mother called to inform me that my brother asked his lovely girlfriend to marry him today and she said yes. I'm very excited for them.

It's funny . I think back to that day and sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like a hundred years ago. The memory that is most cemented in my mind is the look on my wife's face when I got down on one knee in that little Italian restaurant and asked for her to share her life with me. It was part confusion and part amazement. "What is he doing?" morphed into "Oh my God! I know what he's doing!"  Luckily for me she got over her shock and said yes.

This is a long winded way of wishing my brother and his fiancee a long, joyous life together. If I were Jewish I would say Mazel tov. But I'm not so I say good luck!

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Asscent

We got more snow today and the kids wanted to head to the local middle school to go sledding. So we did...or at least we tried. It may have been one of the shortest sledding excursions of all time.

A little climatic background. If you're not aware, we here in New England have received our fair share of snow this year. Over the past few weeks we've had some melting and re-freezing happen turning many sidewalks and driveways into skating rinks. I failed to take this into account when I set out to reach the summit.

As I led my family like a Sherpa upwards things began to go wrong quickly. I realized that under the 3 inches of powdery snow that had just fallen there lay a sheet of solid ice. This observation was all processed as I was falling on my middle aged ass. As I slid down the hill back toward my family I realized that Everest had nothing to fear.

Blood was shed on the mountain today. My pinkie suffered several lacerations and my ego was bruised. Very manly injuries for sure. My family laughed at me of course but I don't blame them. I deserved it.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

In the Presence of a Master

I had the good fortune of seeing a great benefit concert last night. It featured Morris Pleasure - an accomplished bass and keyboard player who grew up in my little town and went onto fame (and presumably some fortune) playing with acts like Ray Charles, Earth, Wind and Fire and Michael Jackson. It was for a great cause which made it really great to be a part of - and what made it even better was that I got to see Omar Hakim. If the name doesn't ring a bell suffice it to say that he's one of the best rock/jazz drummers of the past 40 years. The last time I saw him I was in Madison Square Garden and it was 1987. He was anchoring Sting's band and I was blown away.

Last night was no different. His musicianship was unbelievable again but what struck me was the sheer joy he exuded on stage. He probably had the same joy in 1987 but it was hard to see from several hundred rows away! I found his performance really inspiring. It's incredible to watch someone who has so completely mastered something. I'm thinking of Michael Jordan driving the lane or Pavarotti embracing a Puccini aria. It's fun to be in the presence of greatness.You rock Omar!

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Thank You Note to My Mother-in-Law

It's not fashionable for men to admit but I love my mother-in-law. In many ways she has impacted my life more than almost anyone. I love her because she gave birth to my wife. I wish I could love her for other reasons but I will never get to know her personally. She passed away 15 years ago today - before my wife and I ever met. All I'll ever know about her is from what others tell me and I'm sorry for that.

From their stories I know that she was very successful. I know that she played the piano. I know that she was very short and liked to scream during her son's football games. I know that she always wore pearls. Most importantly I know that she gave birth to three great kids (my wife, her older brother and eldest sister) and instilled in all of them a hunger for knowledge and a drive to succeed. They are her legacy, as well as her grandchildren who will also see the pictures and hear the stories. I think they'll have a much better understanding than I do since they have some of Joan in all of them.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Windy City

This was so cool. Recently I took the kids to the Connecticut Science Center in Hartford. My son is a big fan of robots and all things science so we decided to check it out. A good time was had by all but the thing that took the cake was the wind tunnel booth that replicated hurricane force winds. It ramped the wind up to 78 M.P.H. Some kids might have found that kind of force scary but as you can see from my daughter's face - it was pretty fun.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Supportive Husband Guy

OK - the sucking theme is over. I'm done toying with the fringes of the blogosphere.

Therefore for something completely different....I'm watching The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - and it sucks. Sorry, I couldn't resist. But I'm only watching it because I'm a supportive husband. See, my wife had a tough week at work and sometimes a lady just needs a chick flick. It's practically medicinal. So who am I to stand in her way? Besides, after this we have Smokey and the Bandit on tap. That Sally Field was cute as a button.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Suck it Old Technology

If you're under 25 years old you've probably never seen one of these in person. It's called a Discman and it's a technological dinosaur. If you're a bit older you may remember owning one of these little gems. I dug this one out of the attic. The next stop is the trash.

I respect the wizards at Sony but this was a mistake. At the time we thought CD's were so great - a huge upgrade from cassette tapes - and so much smaller than LP's (that's "Long Playing" records for the youth readership). You could jump back and forth between songs easily, no bunched up tape, no warping. Genius right? Well maybe in a conventional CD player. In one of these contraptions though - totally sucky. Ant farts could make the freakin' thing skip. It was virtually impossible to listen to a whole CD without it jumping around. So thank you Steve Jobs. I love my iPod and I can't wait to see what  makes it the next hunk of plastic on the technology scrap heap.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Suck it More Temperate Regions of America!

Hey San Diego (or Phoenix or Dallas or insert other sun shiny locale here) - Do you ever get to enjoy scenes like this? No, you don't. Take your 75 and sunny and shove it. We do that for a few weeks in May and then we move on here in New England. You know why? Because we bore easily. We need challenges. We like the change of seasons because we're adaptable and hearty. It keeps us on our toes. We have all kinds of crap to deal with what Mother Nature throws at us. We have rakes, snow blowers, lawn mowers...all sorts of gear up in this piece!

In New England we're like Batman (awesome) and all the temperate dwelling people are like Robin (boring) Instead of utility belts we have tool sheds. I actually had to shovel my way to my morning newspaper today. Some would say that sucks. I say it makes me a stronger person. It teaches hard work and delayed gratification.

Oh I suppose if I lived somewhere else I could slip on the flip flops and stroll to the end of the driveway to get my paper. But what kind of challenge is that? A few more inches last night and I would have had to fire up the snow blower to get to the end of my driveway. That's character building my friends.

Oh and San Diego did you notice the other thing in this shot...a covered bridge. We invented quaint here people! This particular place was so beautiful it nearly made me nauseous. After this picture was taken woodland creatures literally approached me and we soon befriended each other. A feast of nuts and grubs was enjoyed by all and I went home a happy New England man.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

I Suck, We Suck, We All Suck...Aren't Straws Great?!

I never realized that by putting "suck" in the title of a piece that  I could attract so many hits. My seminal work "Suck it Bobby Flay" is the most visited blog post to date. Therefore moving forward  I will try to incorporate thinly veiled sexual references in every one of my blog posts. My goal is basically to screw with every Croatian or Belgian perv looking for something shall we say...unseemly on the web. Instead they'll! I will be rescuing porn-addicted hearts and minds one at a time. Your welcome.