Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Knives at Dawn (or the Local Grocery Store)

Example #117 of living in a small town:

Scene: Local community center kitchen with Yours Truly attending a cooking class

Executive Chef:  "You know if you need your knives at home sharpened you can take them to the grocery store in town and they will sharpen them while you of charge.

Me:  Really? That's awesome. I think I'll bring them several tomorrow.

 But then I got to thinking about the logistics. How do I transport these knives? Canvas boat bag - check. But is it prudent to stroll into a major supermarket wielding weapons (although not of mass destruction). Imagine my humiliation if I'm caught, knives confiscated and I'm banned from ever buying kale again in my quaint New England town. I would make the police blotter for sure.

 Well gentle reader, I threw caution to the wind and cruised down to my local grocer this morning - cutlery in hand. I made a beeline to the butcher and here's how it went...

Me:  Excuse me, a chef friend of mine said that you offer knife sharpening here. Is that true?

Red Bearded Butcher:  Uh, yeah. How soon ya need 'em? If you got some shoppin' to do I can have them ready by the time your done.

Me:  Uh, great! See ya in a little while. Thanks  a lot!
 So off I went, happy as a clam - free is good! I zipped up and down the aisles and checked back with Red Beard. Lo and behold - he handed me a bag of razor sharp knives. I'm guessing security is not paramount at my supermarket. 

I'm nearly in the clear, thinking I'm going to make it out without incident. So I head to checkout armed to the teeth when I get a question from my intellectually challenged grocery bagger.

Bag Man:  Can I have your reusable bag please?

Me (panicked): No! I mean...No - I've got stuff in here. I'll just have plastic thanks.

 I get a searching look from the Camel smoking checkout lady but no one Id's my stash. I'm free and clear! Effortless dicing is  in my future.

And that's it. I wish for the sake of storytelling that I was tackled by security or tased by the police but I wasn't. People just trust people here. It's weird. And good. And how I wish the world could be.

Friday, September 17, 2010

So I Like Flowers...You Got a Problem with That?

 I cook, I clean and now apparently I arrange fresh cut flowers. Who knew I had such a skill? I'm really getting in touch with my feminine side now baby. At this rate I'll be crocheting by the first snowfall.

This flower arrangement just kind of happened as I was wandering around our yard pruning shrubs. The guy who lived here before us was some kind of super-gardener so we have an embarrassment of flora and fauna. I started to see all of these beautiful flowers slowly fading away so I thought it would be a shame to waste them. Why not bring them in the house and add a little pop of color, right?

Rather than making fun of me, I earned big points with the wife (ladies love when you flash the sensitive side). So that's me these days - family cook, homework helper, grocery shopper and now...manly florist (which is much easier to write than to say). Just for fun say manly florist five times fast. You're bound to say something dirty. Have fun with that one over the weekend everyone...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

We Have Cool Birds 'n Stuff

Imagine my surprise when I turned the corner beyond my tool shed and laid eyes on this guy (or girl) today. It's a Great Blue Heron I believe and it's an amazing bird. When it opens its wings and flies over the house it quite literally blocks out the sun. It also seems to be extremely conceited. You can tell that this guy thinks he's the bomb. He even walks with his nose (beak) up in the air.

So why is our guest here? I guess our overabundance of frogs has brought him to the banks of our humble pond. An example of nature in balance but it's a shame that some froggies are gonna have to pay with their lives. Look out Kermit - Mr. Pompous is about to turn you into an appetizer.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Youth is Lost on the Young

I don't care if you don't like R.E.M. I just know that this song brings me to tears every time I hear it. I dream of writing this beautifully some day. If it doesn't remind you of what it means to be young - check your pulse.

"The recklessness of water." Wow. That's poetry people. Bow down to Michael Stipe.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thar She Blows!

What do you think of my new whale? I think he has personality and he makes me happy when I look upon him. Art is supposed to elicit some emotion from the viewer, right?

We purchased him in Nantucket on our recent vacation there. It was done by a local artist using indigenous bark. Not just any bark mind you, NANTUCKET BARK. Makes it more expensive. Now that he's up on the wall he needs name. Any suggestions? I like Gus but I'm not settled on that yet.

Side note: When on vacation I spotted a lovely couple walking their two vizslas (a breed of dog) on the beach. The dogs names were "Nan" and "Tucket." Some people would think that's cute. I found it incredibly unimaginative. There were so many other choices: Bonnie & Clyde, Abbott & Costello, Ass & get the point.   

So anyway, the whale meets my simple criteria for display in my home - it is an original work of art. Not a knock off, not a lithograph, not a cheesy poster. This little rule of mine has driven my wife crazy over the years because we are not millionaires. We are more like thousandaires. As such we are not able to purchase wonderful works of art that we see on display at galleries and art shows very often. This also means that unless someone decides to do me a solid and give me an original Van Gough, none of his work will be hanging in my house.

I don't know when this rule of mine came about. It was certainly after my high school days when I had posters of (I hate to admit this) INXS and The Cure on my wall. Maybe staring at all of those men who looked like women warped my sensibilities or something.