We're a Disaster

It's never a good sign when two officials with clipboards knock on your door and ask if they can asses your damage. What damage were they talking about? Emotional, physical, mental? Before I could ask I saw their ID - Ah, they were from FEMA and talking about our flood damage and not the damage I'm causing as a parent. Whew! I wasn't in trouble. Better yet, it looked like the government was gonna write me a check. Why should I be the only one left out, right? They'll just print more anyway. So what if my kids futures are compromised because of the crushing debt our country is heaping onto their backs. But I digress.

The FEMA guys seemed downright disappointed that I didn't have even more damage. They kept dreaming up disaster scenarios that could have happened.

"You got a bathroom down here? No? Well that's good because you mighta had a sewage back up and then you woulda had real problems."

Yeah, free flowing sewage in my new basement would have been a major bummer.

"You're boiler functionin' awright? The water didn't get up that high did it?," FEMA Guy #1 asked hopefully.

No FEMA guy. I think it's fine. What I don't think is fine is that you're the first non-family members we've had over the house. Want to stay for lunch? By the way, did you meet any of our neighbors? Are they nice?

What I actually said was, "No, the boiler's fine. I just had to get rid of the floor, some insulation and the sheetrock."

"Well, that's a lot of work right there."

Why yes it is master of the obvious. Does my labor count toward the final tab? If that's the case, I slaved for days on end.


Did they want me to overstate my losses? I guess I'm naive but I just told them what had to be tossed out. I got the impression that if I told them I lost an antique Persian rug worth tens of thousands of dollars they would have bought it. The whole thing seemed ripe for corruption but I'm sure people are always on the up and up when they're in my position.