Easter Outsourcing

My kids are getting too smart. They're already peppering me with questions that I don't have answers for. So J-Man (7) asks: "Daddy, how does the Easter Bunny make all of the toys?" Oh Jeez. I'm well versed on Santa but The Bunny has always been second rate to me. I never pondered such things. The basket arrived and I asked no questions when I was his age. I went with "Joey, he's magic like Santa." Apparently that didn't satisfy his thirst for knowledge. The note pictured above was taped to the side of the family room couch. What you don't see is the pen he also taped beside it. How thoughtful. I doubt Peter Cottontail carries a pen to respond to inquiries.

Unfortunately for Joey, Peter didn't respond. We pointed out that bunnies have no thumbs and maybe that was why he didn't respond. Wow. How weak. If we're being honest I would have told him that the truth is his father lacks imagination and the ability to think on his feet. However that may have crushed his image of the old man and we weren't looking to do that quite yet. He'll get there on his own soon enough.

Oh, and it wasn't over yet. I have two kids mind you. So my ball-busting 3-year-old follows up with: "How does the bunny make all the stuff?" In my head I said: "He outsources his manufacturing to China like everyone else. America hardly makes anything anymore." But I self-censored and went with the "he's magical" response again. Well, my daughter doesn't let things go so easily so mini Perry Mason follows up with: "So how does he know when we're bad?" At this point I just want to leave the room and curl up in the fetal position. Just take the freakin' candy ok!! What am I going to do with these kids when they actually start asking question about real people and real issues??

Unemployment is Exhausting

If you don't work can you go on vacation? Isn't a vacation from unemployment going to work? And it's not really much different if you bring the kids along (which we will). They don't sleep in, you can't bring them to swanky restaurants, casinos are out of the question and they don't drink wine. If you don't do the 9 to 5 thing a vacation is really just less vacuuming and more sun.

Witty Headline

My wife found out that our town's fire department pumps out basements for people if they require it. That would have been helpful information a couple of days ago. But who knew towns actually did that anymore? Do they rescue cats from trees too? In my old town the fire department was too busy dealing with union squabbling and politics to actually do such things. Where do I live - Mayberry RFD? Does the town drunk hang out in the jail cell and trade quips with the sheriff?  If I meet anyone named Goober or Aunt Bee that will confirm it.

Maybe it's already confirmed because we just attended an ice cream social at my 2nd graders school. Yup. The only thing missing was the soda jerk. It was a lovely gathering but as usual I was too busy observing the event than actually participating actively in it. One of these days I'm going to have to actually talk to some people around here. Maybe tomorrow when I meet the other local husbands to pitch in and clean up the baseball field for the little league kids. Free coffee for all volunteers. No, I'm not kidding. I think I'm going to have to learn to tone down the sarcasm around here.