I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won

Today is the first time in my life that I cut my lawn in fear. Every step another bead of sweat formed on my brow. I'm ashamed and my neighbors are probably laughing at me but I didn't think it would be this way. I just couldn't put my body at risk anymore. Today I found out the hard way that my front yard is infested with bees. And not just any bees...I have blood thirsty car-jacking baby-stealing Italian hating  pirate bees. Bees that make a grown man swear and sprint into the house not once but three times. Bees that mess with a man's yard. Now that is just wrong! As a result my front yard now has a Mowhawk. A perfect little strip that I physically couldn't mow today for fear of the aforementioned pirate bees. "What you talkin' about fool?" I'm talkin' about pain Mr. T. Pure unadulterated pain.

Dear bees who stung me through the ankle sock...and in the calf...and in the knee...I'm coming back with poison tomorrow bitches. I've heard that you die after you sting someone but just to be sure I'm coming back with a shock and awe campaign. Like George W I'm gonna smoke you out. There's nowhere to hide. I'm not confusing you with your benign honeybee cousin. Oh the honeybee!  Nature's little helper. Not you you little yellow jacket bastards! You don't pollinate my beautiful flowers. You don't make honey (OK you might, I'm not sure but I'm coming from a place of pain and ignorance). You're pure evil and I will take every measure to bring you to justice. And how dare you mess with a man's lawn! That crap is sacred! You also sting my wonderfully stupid dog. Winston the super Lab. And for that I cannot forgive you. You have hurt myself and my family. Now it's personal.