My Little Man...Not this Little Anymore

I love this shot of my son. Sometimes when I look at him this is still how I see him. However I can assure you that he's not this size anymore. He's 8 years-old and I just bought him a pair of size 6 sneakers for school. Size 6! What happened to my little boy? Some mornings he saunters downstairs I think he's bigger than the night before. Are the fertilizer fairies sprinkling him with their fairy dust at night or what?

How awkward will it be for me on the morning he comes down looking like Vin Diesel and I have to ask him why he came home so late the night before. I need to start doing some push ups. Perhaps some hot yoga or something. I gotta get buff before he can crush me with two fingers.

You know you shrink when you get old? It's a fact and I have that working against me as well.  It's a matter of time before I start looking like Mickey Rooney. Time is a cruel co-pilot.

The good news is that he's a gentle giant. I have that going for me...so that's nice. Plus he really loves his Mom so I can always call her in for backup if needed.

A B-52's Concert (Not the Kentucky Derby)

Oh the paparazzi. How they hound me. I try to cruise back into Stamford to attend a B-52's concert and the press can't leave me alone. C'mon people, I haven't been gone that long! This photo appeared on the Stamford Advocate website yesterday. Clearly they were after a shot of me and not the two lovely ladies I happened to be with (I'm delusional). Do you know why these ladies were photographed? Because they look like elegant women.

That said, allow me to address the ladies (not pictured) who attended this fantastic event:

Dear All Under 30-year old Women of Fairfield County:

Just because it's summer does not mean that you're given license to dress like street walkers. I shouldn't have to say this but a half-shirt should not be worn as a dress. Men have amazing imaginations - perhaps you could let us use ours and put on something that doesn't make you look like Snooki's sluttier sister. How about having some faith in your wit, charm and sense of humor? Maybe show off your brain off a little rather that your lower back tattoo aka "the tramp stamp." Give the male gender more credit and put your best face forward (not your ass).

Sincerely,
The Evolved Male

My Sun Baked Brain

Today was the kids last day of swim instruction at the lake. Hurrah! If you're scoring at home that's four straight weeks - five days a week and at least 3 hours per day. I was no math major in college but that's like...1,300 hours in the sun or something. Now don't get me wrong...I love the beach as much as anyone but 20 straight days of anything gets to be drudgery.

The good news is that I look like George Hamilton (only more dashing). The downside is that I've been neglecting my chores at home so as a result I have weeds in my front yard that are quite literally seven feet tall. The other drawback is that I think the sun has been warping my brain. Instead of reading a good novel or trying to do some soul searching to figure out what my next career move should be, what did I do with my alone time?  I've compiled the following list is what I've done:

Things I Hate:

1. Clowns
2. Deli meats
3. Ketchup
4. Ethan Hawke 
5. Cats and usually the people who love them
6. Earnest motivational speakers
7. Barbara Streisand and her husband for exhibiting poor judgment
8. Anyone who messes with my wife or my kids
9. The New York Post
10. The Red Sox
11. The word "taint"
12. Oatmeal - no matter how good Wilfred Brimley tells me it may be.
13. People who never take their Bluetooth off (you're walking on the sidewalk fella!)
14. Nancy Grace
15. Fast food of all kinds except McDonald's vanilla milkshakes which are heaven in a cup
16. Toddler beauty pageants
17. The mothers or fathers (OK who are we kidding) the mothers who enter their toddlers in beauty pageants
18. Black licorice
19. 3-D movies
20. Limp handshakes
21. White collar workers who think they're superior to their plumber (or any other blue collar worker)
22. People who refer to themselves in the third person without a trace of humor (athletes are the big offenders here)
23. Needlessly colorized classic movies(essentially all of them)
24. John Tesh and his smooth jazz cronies (this means you too Kenny G)
25. The harpsichord